For many couples, the prospect of a remodeling project or new custom home is an exhilarating one. At the outset, the dreams of new spaces and the memories they will create dance through their minds and pepper the dinner conversations.
However, fast forward just a few months and project realities begin to set in. There are the stresses that come with making large investments – even when things are going well. And couples will sometimes have differing visions of the project. Those differences can range from project priorities to cabinet color selection. What was at the outset a beautiful vision can begin to feel like a burden.
At DH Custom Homes, we work proactively to make sure those differences are settled beforehand. We remove as much of the stress as possible by creating a professional contract, open communication (
which includes a realistic timeline) and planned meetings to review progress and encourage honest feedback. We also have high expectations of ourselves and of the outcomes we create for area families.
From our perspective, a new custom home or a home remodeling project is a chance for a couple to grow closer. Judy Ryan, St. Louis-based human systems expert, agrees.
“There are multiple sources of stress that occur with big life changes,” says Ryan. “And, if in the midst of stress, a couple can genuinely appreciate each other’s value and seek excellence first in their relationship
, then they can grow closer.”
Ryan suggests the following steps as ways couples can increase closeness:
1. Write a vision of what you want from the project. Pretend you are five years in the future and walking into your new home. What does it look like? Who is there? How do you feel in the new home? Couples should read the paragraph to each other.
2. Keep sight of your highest intention. This is the why behind the project. The couple can create a kind of mission statement together by answering the question: Why are we doing this project? An example is: We are creating a gathering place for friends where people feel loved and we can celebrate our marriage. Having a vision in place will help you with No. 3.
3. Stay committed to the vision. There needs to be some accountability on the agreed-to vision. It is sometimes tempting to sell out on the vision when things get tough and that can create resentments immediately for months or years later.
4. Check in on a daily basis – emotionally. A simple check-in can head off any quiet resentments that are stewing. Many people will remain quiet about disappointment and that can fester. Ask each other every day: Where are we at on a scale of 1 to 10? And be straightforward with each other.
“There are many unexpected challenges that you will face with wonderful and terrible life changes,” says Ryan. “You can use a new home project as a time to build in practices that will make the relationship stronger for years to come.”
And finally…
And we would be remiss if we did not recommend that finding the right builder can go a long way. With over three decades as a family-owned business, we know that relationships come first – then the project. Our goal is for you to have the home you and your family can enjoy. That means the building and remodeling process should be enjoyable, too.
